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Poetry
How can one introduce others into the works of the soul? How can I honestly expect others to see the words that have been written? Should I post pictures to say the thousand words I could otherwise say? Should I invite them over and show them my scars? Should I hide it all from everyone except myself? Things I want to scream while everyone is around. I never wished for pity. I never wanted for someone saying they were sorry for me. I would rather have apathy than anything else. I would rather have a silence where I can suffocate. This is my cry for help. This is my admittance that I have a problem. This is my solution. This is my life. In words written in pain. Blood spilled in sorrow. Scars remembered the next day silently. This is what I hide from others. This is who I am.

yet more crap
Its Going to Rain in Texas
The Price
Reality for Oneself
Prayer of Love
Turn Around
Never Thought it would fail
My Sin's
For Her Dont


Its Going to Rain in Texas


Late one night
alone and cold
just got off the phone
and felt so bold

I cried out so loud
so everyone would hear
about your beauty
and how your so dear

To my surprise
A figure appeared so quick
Don't lie a voice said
It laid it on thick

"Noone can be that lovly
for I live in the sky
the earth is so ugly
such beauty would make men die"

I figured I would repeat
you hair so golden and sweet
Just give me a chance I begged
for her you must meet

Then I found out slowly
and to much dismay
the man who was harassing me
was the moon I say

You gotta believe me
for I wouldn't lie to you
the moon spoke to me
Its entirly true

I made a bet with him
my life on the line
We went to your house
everything seemed fine

He looked around
didn't see anyone sweet
Wait wait I said
for you will soon greet

Then through your window
we saw you sitting alone
A smile on your face
in your hand the phone

I heard a stifle and moan
looked to the poor man near
he was crying so heavly
I had shown him his fear

So beautiful you are
the moon will forever cry
because whenever it see's you
from his spot so high

He will see what beauty he missed
and all the joy he lost
I showed the man on the moon
what his high perch cost

Its gonna rain tonight
for he will pass by
everytime he sees you
he will start to cry

Its gonna rain in texas
because you make it real
its gonna rain in texas
because the moon does feel

Next time the sky is clear
and you wish to make his night
smile towards the heavens
for your always within his sight

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The Price


Fearing the past
I call out searching
answers forgotten to many
searching for the questions
to inspire others to follow

I came to the place
forgotten by time
broken hearts and dreams
scattered about the room
whos did these belong to?

Ghosts chasing me
haunting my dreams
in my mind I hear them
the story they try to tell
when I dont listen they scream

confusion running unchecked
thier riddle I cannot solve
what do they want of me
is this some prophecy?
We all share a common theme

the answers come slowly
to me one late night
the theme we seem to share
suffering was our choice
this is price they pay



Reality for oneself


You ever see me in real life
wearing a long sleeved shirt
hiding the scars from a knife
because I often feel like dirt
Head hanging low
looking at the ground
often repeating the word "so"
sanity I havn't found
If you ever see me
and the sorrow in my eyes
then perhaps you will see
my heart and the love I dispise
wishing I could never feel
that warm feeling inside
makes me wish I was real
so I keep trying to hide
for after the warmth passed
I feel so alone and cold
the warm would never last
for my soul I sold
For a simple romance
I knew I didn't stand
a sliver of a chance
but that was planned
by the one who makes dreams
for those who sleep
pulling me apart at the seams
so my soul he will keep

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Prayer of love



I stare at the night
remembering her word
looking towards the light
I hope she knows I heard

I don't want to be her lord
and I will tell her why
I would rather battle with a sword
with her next to me under the sky

I know if she dies she will hover around
so I will remember her love
until a new one is found
then she will go above

With her gone I will search for guidance
wanting someone to understand
my friends I will achieve a alliance
and if they need help I will offer a hand

But they don't know the insomnia
while I remain awake
the music is an orchestra
as sleep slowly starts to overtake

In my dreams its all light
her there and my love is true
when I sleep I hold myself tight
knowing paticence is a virtue

love I miss you so
when I join you hold me close
I gave you a kiss when I saw you go
and left my heart comatose

Turn around


You left me hangin
mouth wide open
inside I was bangin
the walls of my heart
The resolution of your plea
wished to make me feel
you said you loved me
but the cold was real

Will I ever be able to love again
will I ever be able to care
I wish you could come back to me
so I can say I will be there

I hurt you that night
and I knew how you felt
but somehow it seemed right
suck it in and tighen your belt
I watched you walk away
wishing I could speak
I knew just what to say
but didn't want the pain anymore

You told me that you cared
for my broken body and mind
you heart you had bared
and love I could find in there

Each step you took
make me feel so low
that night I was a crook
stealing what I couldn't sow
Each step pulling my heart
my sanity was weakening
and soul being pulled apart
why did you have to do this

I remember the night by the lake
the 4 hours of talking we did
the words you said were not fake
but I couldn't accept the pain

I know I hurt you
and I deerve less
but I would make you
worst than you are now
accept the pain for me
because I am not that brave
myself forever lost
its you I am trying to save

I hurt you deep and you went away
I cried that night till I was dry
heard the news the next day
that you jumped trying to fly

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My Sin's


You were always away
never when I was in need
often at night alone
the stars heard me plead
Now your here
whenever I try to call
but I really wish
you gave your all
lying down nearby
I touch your face
I dug the hole
next to my place
lowering you down
so you may forever sleep
I just wanted your love
something that was deep
but now your gone
because my silent cry
middle of the night
you had to die
it wasn't my fault
I told you to stay
but you left in the car
and died the next day
if you would have spent
the night with me
the inside of a coffin
you wouldn't have to see
I tried to keep you
at home that night
somehow it does
seem kinda right
You would rather die
than accept my love
now how do you like it
watching me from above
you could have said no
instead of driving off mad
what did I do
that was so terrible and bad
why didn't you slow
down at the stop sign
was it because my words
that I wanted you to be mine
you didn't slow
nor did you wear a belt
the paramedics say
everything you felt
dead on a table
cold against your skin
this dead I will add
with the rest of my sin

Never thought it would fail


I never thought it would fail
my ways of dealing with life
never did I imagine I would resist
a cure brought by my knife
used to be great for depression
now the only thing it seems
to want out of me anymore
is blood in massive reams
gripping tightly to life used to be
the motto I wantd to follow
while I found a place for me
but now its hard to swallow
the bitter taste of defeat
perhaps instead of life
I should have etched death
upon my arm with my knife
irony will never cease to amaze
as I finally told someone I cared
that I wont wait anymore for her
because I want my heart to be spared
I can see the day she will come around
that day I will not be found
except on place known by many before
burried 6 feet deep into the ground
I never thought my knife would fail
can't understand why it doesnt hurt
an immunity to pain perhaps I built
another step closer to the dirt

For Her Don't


letters in the wind.
slowly blowing away
The harsh words spoken
the chill that seems to stay

you dont need to bother

the word she spoke
hurriedly like it tasted bad
or perhaps a force responce
to further make me mad

You dont need to worry

My heart only one who cares
and it i cannot change
why this turn of events
why is she acting so strange

You dont need to dream

Was it even a real memory
or was it just a really good act
did she ever care for me
I know I loved her for a fact

you dont need to try

For now shes out of reach
farther I fall down into hell (slowly I fall)
did my time with her even matter
did i even pierce her wall?

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copyright Ed Buchanan 2004.